SPEAKER_02: 0:00

Hi, I'm Shelley Maurer. And I'm Cher Emrick. Welcome to Life Lessons from Pickleball, where we engage with pickleball players from around the world about life on and off the court. Thanks for joining us. Welcome everyone to Life Lessons from Pickleball and especially welcome to those of you who are single or who know someone who's single because today our guest is Karen Butera and she's the founder of the Pickleball Singles Mingles, which we look forward to hearing about. very, very soon. But Karen, before embarking on this new adventure, you were a corporate attorney for a very large company and you retired three years ago and you also have three grown kids and eight grandkids.

SPEAKER_04: 0:50

Yes. And we know you love to swim, golf, and you even played competitive racquetball. Before pickleball. Before Pickleball, yes. So when and how were you introduced to Pickleball and what was going on in your life at the time?

SPEAKER_00: 1:04

About nine years ago. my body decided to age like fine wine and bad cheese. And so my knees were starting to act up for racquetball. And my mom had heard of pickleball and she, my mother's a sports woman too. And so she said, you should try this pickleball thing. Everybody's starting to talk about it. So I said, okay, you know, okay, mom, I'll go. So I went and tried it and I was hooked immediately. So that's how I made the switch over.

SPEAKER_02: 1:36

So when you first tried, was it outdoor, indoor? Was it lessons? I mean, how did you actually get introduced into the?

SPEAKER_00: 1:44

It was outdoor in my community, a small group of maybe 12 people. My neighbor across the street was basically the instructor and the facilitator of the group at the time. And I went with a, I had bought a wooden paddle. That's how new I was. I think we all started there. As soon as I came home, I ordered a regular paddle right away. Because the ball was skipping here in Florida. We get a lot of humidity, as you can imagine. And the ball was skipping off the wood. So I ordered a regular paddle right away and just fell in love with it.

SPEAKER_02: 2:20

And so did you keep playing racquetball as well? Or you stopped playing racquetball and then...

SPEAKER_00: 2:25

I stopped playing racquetball and made the switch. And made the

SPEAKER_02: 2:28

switch.

UNKNOWN: 2:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 2:29

Was that hard switching? Well, it was a little bit hard. It was a little bit of a heartbreak because I played racquetball with my sons. And so, you know, they're still younger and able. But with the reality of life, it wasn't that hard to make that switch.

SPEAKER_04: 2:49

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 2:50

Have you got

SPEAKER_04: 2:51

them playing

SPEAKER_00: 2:51

with you yet? Every now and then, but they have lots of children, as you know, so they're kind of busy. But I'm trying to get the grandchildren in next, so that's my next goal.

SPEAKER_02: 3:02

That's a great idea. Yeah. It's an easy one for kids to learn. Yeah. The little short little paddles. And we were members of the Eastside Tennis Center here in the Kirkland area. And they have a camp going right now for kids, tennis camp. And some of them are shorter than their paddles, than their rackets. It's so cute. So tell us about the singles mingles and how did you even get inspired to do pickleball singles mingles?

SPEAKER_00: 3:36

I was chatting on Facebook with a gentleman who lives on the other side of the state, and we were just both lamenting as a single person who plays pickleball how hard it is to date, because if you date non-pickleball players, they just don't get it. They don't understand the passion. They would whine to me. I thought we'd watch a movie and I'd be like, no, I'm going to play pickleball. Well, I want to spend time with you. And I'd be like, well, put on your shoes, put on your tennis shoes and come play. You know, that whole scene just wasn't panning out. So chatting back and forth with him, I just got the idea of I'll create a Facebook group for people who are single, who play pickleball and we can connect. and see what happens from there. And it just exploded the number of people who have joined and are part of our community now. We're over 15,000 people across the country and the world. We have members from Canada, from the UK, from Australia. And at first it was just connecting in person by, you know, messaging. And then we got the idea, well, this is working out pretty good, but people want to get together. So we started having festivals and events and travel, and that has just blossomed. So I don't know if you know about PickleCon. There's a convention in Kansas City next week when we have about 40 people going to that. We have a festival at Daytona Beach in November, and there'll be 150 people at that. There's another one in February. And that capacity for that is 250 people. We have a Turk and Keiko's trip at the end of October. We have a trip to San Diego. And what's happened is, yeah, there's been dating and there's been coupling and there's been even a couple of weddings. But the true value has been these super friendships that people just don't want to be without. their tribe, with their people. And so it's amazing to see how this has really just taken off. How long ago did you start this? Two and a half years.

SPEAKER_02: 5:53

Oh, my goodness. Wow. In two and a half years, you have that many people engaged. And are they all engaged through your Facebook page?

SPEAKER_00: 6:02

We use the Facebook page as the preliminary point because to become a member, you have to answer three questions because... First of all, we don't want people stepping out on their other spouses or girlfriends or boyfriends to come into the group, right? We want it to

SPEAKER_03: 6:20

be

SPEAKER_00: 6:20

legit. And we don't want any scammers, no crypto people, those kinds of things trying to come in. So you have to have a picture that shows you in it. And if it's a group picture, you have to identify who you are. The next thing is you have to say that you're not married or in a committed relationship. And then there's a question about pickleball. And it's a question that you generally can't find in the rules to make sure that you are a player of pickleball. So that's why we use Facebook. And we look at each one individually. There's no mass looking at them. So we've cleared all 15,600 people individually to make sure that they are who they say they are.

UNKNOWN: 7:07

Wow.

SPEAKER_00: 7:07

And then we welcome them into the group.

SPEAKER_02: 7:11

So I'm single and say, I go on Facebook, I'm divorced and now single. And I go on Facebook and I answer your questions. And then what?

SPEAKER_00: 7:21

Well, I will generally three to four, five times a day. I check to see who's applied to as membership and you'll get accepted. And then you can do a posting that says with your picture, Hey, I'm Cher. I'm in this geography. I love to play pickleball. Who wants to play? And you'll get people commenting, hey, let's play tomorrow. Let's play next week. Let's play. You know, you'll get a lot of comments back. And also you'll see people in other areas commenting and you can talk to them. And then you'll see our events and trips come up. And if you want to come, then you can come to those.

UNKNOWN: 8:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 8:04

So who's planning the tournaments or the festivals and like the Turks and Caicos trip?

SPEAKER_00: 8:12

Who's doing all that? Yes, I do a lot of it. I work with a travel agent for the Turks for the bigger trips like Turks and Caicos. And I work with this wonderful team at Daytona Beach. There's this facility called Pictona. I don't know if you've heard of it, but it's a premier facility. They have 50 courts. And of those 50 courts, they have about, I think it's 15 undercover.

SPEAKER_01: 8:37

Wow.

SPEAKER_00: 8:38

And so they have this wonderful team of people that I work with there to make this happen. And I want to give a shout out to Chris Higgins from Pictona because she does a terrific job of making this happen for us. Thank you, Chris. You'll have to come share. You won't believe the

SPEAKER_02: 8:59

time you'll have. Oh, it just sounds, I just think it's a brilliant idea. Thank you. My friends have been saying, come on, come on, there's got to be, you know, and I just, I've done the online and it was fine. It worked great and met some really amazing people. But the idea of pickleball, the worst that could happen is we have a good, fun time playing pickleball. Exactly. Right?

SPEAKER_00: 9:22

Exactly. I think coming out of COVID, too, that people... There is a time and a place. There's a place for online dating, but coming out of COVID, the lockdown people, especially single people like me, I live by myself. My family's not here. We want to connect in person. We don't want to just be on the computer all day. And these events and trips have really allowed that to happen.

SPEAKER_02: 9:52

How fun. Do you have some interesting stories of people who have been a part of this single pickleball singles mingles?

SPEAKER_00: 10:02

Well, like I said, we've had a couple of weddings happen and we've had a couple of long-term couples form. We have a lot of dating that may peter out in a couple of months. But that's all part of the dating experience, you know, to see if it's going to work or not. There's a lot of long distance, but a lot of people find that of value if the person is worth that time and effort.

SPEAKER_02: 10:31

So

SPEAKER_00: 10:31

it's just a fantastic environment. And a fantastic time. We went to Turks and Caicos last year for our first trip there. And when we left, I cried. It was just so meaningful and wonderful to be with such nice people together. So

SPEAKER_02: 10:51

you're running the show. Do you have time to actually enjoy yourself too and play and... date

SPEAKER_00: 11:00

somewhat I have a great team of volunteers that help and we have a board of directors now that helps with a lot of that so that I can live my best life and and enjoy it more they're always worried about Karen we want you to make sure you have a good time at the event and I'm like Okay, so let's see how we can do that. But yeah, people step up and volunteer. One thing we do is that if you find someone in the group and you're dating them and you're committed, we don't kick you out because you've made these other great friendships and they don't want to let go of those. All we ask is that you are public about your relationship. You're not like trying to hide something. And you volunteer one hour at one of our events. So that helps the group. And when we go to these events and trips, we wear a bright green wristband so we can self-identify. But if you're in a couple, you wear a red wristband, red for don't go, so that there's no awkward situations of someone approaching you. Right. boyfriend standing right next to you or something like that

SPEAKER_02: 12:08

you have really thought this through that's a great idea to do that

SPEAKER_00: 12:12

yeah it's worked out pretty well

SPEAKER_02: 12:15

and how did you come up with I mean you've actually thought through a whole lot of things right not just the facebook and then you've got these trips and you've got how was it your lawyer background that gave you the organizational skills and the planning and all or how did how did that all come to be

SPEAKER_00: 12:33

i think it's not just being the lawyer part it's just part of who i am i'm pretty good at planning and um coordinating and facilitating, but some of it is really by the seat of your pants on the day it happens. For example, one of our festivals at Daytona Beach, the beginning day, because they're a three-day festival, the beginning day there was this huge rainstorm coming in, and we only

SPEAKER_03: 12:59

had 15

SPEAKER_00: 13:00

covered courts to try and use, and we had 200 people coming. Wow. Yeah, so what do you do like that? There were a lot of people there early that day, so we encouraged what I call the early birds to play earlier in the day and get your time on the courts and then let the latecomers have more time, and that's when you can socialize and mingle. So it worked out as well as we could make it work that day.

SPEAKER_01: 13:31

Well done. Well done.

UNKNOWN: 13:35

Wow.

SPEAKER_04: 13:35

This is incredible. So I was just thinking, imagining like if I was a new person and I was still feeling really kind of apprehensive, like what would you say to me? To

SPEAKER_00: 13:51

come or to join the group? Which one?

SPEAKER_04: 13:54

Both. I'm imagining to join the group and then to really step out and do one of the festivals or go to Turks and Caicos.

SPEAKER_02: 14:01

Understanding that Shelly is very happily married to a wonderful husband. She's putting herself in the position of those of

SPEAKER_00: 14:11

us who aren't. I get this question a lot because I'm very present for the members. They can text me. They can call me. They can reach me. and I'm there for them. So I get that question a lot. Hey, I'm by myself. I'm kind of hesitant to come. I'm thinking of coming. Should I come? Should I not come? What should I expect? And I tell everybody that the group is enormously welcoming and warm and you will have the time of your life, I promise. And don't worry, I'll be there. We'll be there together. You'll have a blast. And that's pretty much been turned out to be true. But one of the things we do at our events that we started to implement with the last one is that we've had special sessions in the event for the newcomers where we've had like ambassador type people of our group play with them and talk with them and be with them so that the next day or so that they recognize people from that evening and feel more at ease with being in the group.

SPEAKER_02: 15:19

Nice. That's beautiful. Yeah. almost across the board are very kind and welcoming and fun. And so how fun to do that with a group of singles too.

SPEAKER_00: 15:49

Yes. Yes. It's worked out very well.

SPEAKER_02: 15:53

And don't you find that you learn a lot about somebody when you're playing a game? Exactly. What have you observed?

SPEAKER_00: 16:05

Yeah. Well, you know, it's interesting. You put 250 people together in a space and let them loose on a pickleball court and you're going to have some drama, especially when there's dating involved. You know, it's kind of interesting to watch the men circle the women and the women circle the men sometimes. But for the most part, that's a very small amount of what happens. We have more fun than that.

SPEAKER_02: 16:34

What do you mean it's a small amount of what happens?

SPEAKER_00: 16:36

The drama. There's just very little drama. We try to be drama-free. And we also try to be what I call jerk-free. So we have a code of conduct in the group of being respectful, of being inclusive. And there are people who have been sent on an all-expenses-paid vacation to Blockville, is what I call it.

UNKNOWN: 17:01

Wow. Wow.

SPEAKER_00: 17:01

It's

SPEAKER_02: 17:02

locked-ville.

SPEAKER_00: 17:03

Yes, where pickleball is played outside where it's minus 100 with a 40-mile-per-hour wind. But normally a person gets a warning or two if their behavior is over the line, and usually it's when people have complaints about behavior. So like I said, we try to really enforce respectfulness, focus on respectfulness and inclusion. as part of our

SPEAKER_02: 17:34

group. And what about your age range?

SPEAKER_00: 17:37

We have everyone from 18 is the lowest we'll go all the way into the 80s.

SPEAKER_02: 17:44

No kidding.

SPEAKER_00: 17:45

Wow,

SPEAKER_02: 17:46

fun. I love that. And don't you find that we can play with all these different ages in one game on the court? I mean, it is incredible how age doesn't seem to matter very much when you're on the court.

SPEAKER_00: 17:59

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. And we have about 60% women, 58% women and the rest men.

SPEAKER_02: 18:07

Wow. That's a good ratio.

SPEAKER_00: 18:11

Yeah. It's a pretty good ratio. Yeah. And like I said, we have people from all across the country, Canada, Australia, and the UK. We had at the last festival, someone came from the UK for the festival and a person was coming from Australia, but they were sick and couldn't fly at the time.

SPEAKER_01: 18:29

Oh, too bad. Wow.

SPEAKER_00: 18:33

What's your dream?

SPEAKER_02: 18:34

Or are you living it?

SPEAKER_00: 18:39

For you, for the group? I'd like to find somebody that's long-term.

SPEAKER_03: 18:44

But

SPEAKER_00: 18:45

for the group, I'd like to see it continue to grow. I'd like to see the events and travel continue to take place. I think we're on a good path and Our board's a great board, and I think we're in good hands that

SPEAKER_02: 19:03

way. Do you have satellite groups? So I'm in the Seattle area. Are there a number of singles in your Pickleball Singles Mingles who are from this area, and they establish a Pickleball Singles Mingles group?

SPEAKER_00: 19:19

Actually, I established local groups, over 50 of them, when I formed... This group, some of them are very active, like the Southern California group is extremely active. The Central Florida group is very active. The other groups are pretty active. Some of them are not as active. I don't run those groups like I run the big group. It takes someone to stand up and facilitate and make that happen in those other locales. I just don't have the bandwidth. Sure.

SPEAKER_02: 19:49

But are you overseeing them or that's kind of an independent outgrowth of what you all are doing?

SPEAKER_00: 19:56

No, I kind of oversee them. We coordinate because it's under my umbrella and my name. So the code of conduct still applies. If they need to ban somebody, then we discuss it back and forth to make sure everything's in sync and aligned.

SPEAKER_02: 20:14

Very nice. Yeah. Yeah. So the name of our podcast is Life Lessons from Pickleball. So in all of this time that you have experienced being single on the court, as well as then running this whole wonderful group and all these trips, do you have some life lessons either that you... learned in life, maybe in your work that you've taken into your play on the pickleball court or in working with these groups or things that you learned during pickleball that you're utilizing?

SPEAKER_00: 20:48

I think it's really the big lesson for me was living in the moment and not getting too far ahead. It's important to look ahead and plan for contingencies, but when you're on the court, you have to be in the moment, that exact moment. You cannot be thinking, you know, about next week or trip next month or anything like that. You've got to be right in the court, right on the ball.

SPEAKER_04: 21:13

Right. Or whoops, there goes the ball.

SPEAKER_00: 21:15

Yeah, exactly. So I think that's the lesson that I've, really taken to heart is living in the moment. And it's that way too, with, with the group in that, enjoy the moment that I have with these wonderful people and not worrying about what I have to do next week, but really enjoy the time I have with them.

SPEAKER_02: 21:37

That's really good advice. And it's hard to do, I imagine, because you're responsible for everything. So it's, you've got all these different balls in the air that you're trying to keep flying and then also be present so that's an amazing thing that you've been able to accomplish to be present in the moment in the midst of all of that good life lesson

SPEAKER_04: 22:00

yeah like you said to really so you can enjoy the fruits of all your labor so when you're at your festivals or in Turks and Caicos that you do stay in the present moment and enjoy what you've worked so hard for right

SPEAKER_00: 22:11

right right because you don't want to miss it

SPEAKER_02: 22:15

no don't want to miss it you don't want

SPEAKER_00: 22:17

to miss it

SPEAKER_02: 22:18

yeah That's right. Wow. So do you have, um, insights for people who haven't maybe tried pickleball? And I know you've got this encouragement to start with the singles mingles, but just, um, you'd started nine years ago playing after playing racquetball. Um, what was the encouragement that you received to try it out?

SPEAKER_00: 22:46

Just to go and try and, uh, Don't be afraid to try something new. But if somebody is a beginner, what I would encourage them to do is, first of all, Watch some YouTube videos so you have some idea of the very basics of the game. Just the very basics. Don't worry about the score. Your partner will help you with that the first couple of games. That's the hardest part of the game. Secondly, go to a place where there are beginners playing and maybe some instruction. You don't want to go to an... Even if it's an open play, you don't want to go where there's 4-0s playing and... that's not good for you and it won't be good for them. It just creates a lot of difficulty. A lot of places around the country have lessons or have people who will help with lessons. I know here in Florida, we have lots of places you can go get a free lesson or two, and that's the best way to try to get underway.

SPEAKER_02: 23:50

That's a great idea. Find some places that have the free lessons.

SPEAKER_00: 23:55

And if you're single... You don't have to have a partner. You don't have to go with somebody. You can sign up by yourself. It's not a problem at all.

SPEAKER_02: 24:04

Right. Most places just let you put your paddle down in a pile and four paddles makes a team and then you all go on to the court. Right. And is that how you do it with your singles mingles? Is it paddle? How do people group up?

SPEAKER_00: 24:21

Well, generally with our festivals, um, We do have mostly open play and it is just put your paddle in, but there's so many courts at Pictona that you can decide which of the pods you want in. But we also have pods set aside for 4-0 and above level play so that the higher level players don't feel frustrated with the level of play all weekend too.

SPEAKER_02: 24:48

That's a good idea. Yeah. That's a really good idea. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 24:52

And then we have courts by the side for beginners too. I

SPEAKER_02: 24:55

was going to say, because the beginners would feel pretty bummed if they were playing against sparrows and can't hit the single ball. Right, right. So it's worked out pretty well that way. That's awesome. Yeah. Shelly. I think this might be my ticket. I think it is, Cher. I

SPEAKER_03: 25:14

think it is.

SPEAKER_02: 25:17

Karen, I love that you're doing this. And it's such an easy way to meet people. And even if there aren't any love interests, there are a lot of people who are like-minded and love to play the game. And what's the worst that could happen? You have a wonderful time playing. Right. That's why we do it.

SPEAKER_04: 25:39

Yes. And like she said, it would be impossible for you, Cher, to date anybody that didn't love pickleball.

SPEAKER_02: 25:44

I know. I've always said that's my deal breaker. I know. Karen, thank you so much. I really appreciate you sharing this. And I'm excited. I'm going to check it out and, yeah, hopefully be one of your success stories. Who knows? That'd

SPEAKER_00: 26:03

be wonderful. I'd like to invite anyone who's watching, who's interested to join us. If they would like to scan the QR code, it'll take you right to the Facebook page. And

SPEAKER_02: 26:17

pull it back just a little bit from the camera. There you go. Excellent. You can

SPEAKER_00: 26:22

scan that and join the Facebook page, answer the questions and become one of the single mingle fun people that you'll have a great time.

SPEAKER_02: 26:31

Brilliant. And so those who are just listening and they didn't see the screen, they just go to Facebook, Pickleball Singles Mingles?

SPEAKER_00: 26:38

Yes, Pickleball Singles Mingle, and they will find it if they want to type it in.

SPEAKER_02: 26:44

Awesome.

SPEAKER_00: 26:45

Yep. Well, thank you. You're welcome. Our next festival is in November. We just put tickets on sale. We've sold over 50 so far. It's only been for sale for three days. So if you're interested, share. Thank you. And that's in Florida? Yep, at Daytona Beach.

SPEAKER_02: 27:06

Wow. Good time to be in Florida.

SPEAKER_00: 27:09

We also have one early next year, too, for the snowbirds who want to get out of the cold. It's a great time to come down.

SPEAKER_02: 27:17

Good time, you bet. We'll be encouraging her.

UNKNOWN: 27:21

Good, too.

SPEAKER_02: 27:24

Well, thank you so much, Karen. Really appreciate it. And may there be many, many, many happy returns.

SPEAKER_00: 27:31

Thank you. Thank you for the invitation to join you this evening.

SPEAKER_02: 27:34

Our pleasure. And thank you all. And especially those of you who are single or you know people who are single. Yeah, get the word out. This sounds like a really fun way to get to know each other and to have fun playing pickleball. How can you lose? Thank you all. And we'll see you next week for another fun conversation. Bye bye.

SPEAKER_04: 27:54

If you love our podcast, we'd be so grateful if you'd take a few seconds to follow or subscribe to Life Lessons from Pickleball. This ensures you'll never miss an episode and helps us continue these wonderful conversations.

SPEAKER_02: 28:08

On Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen, go to the show page and tap the follow button in the top right corner. Thanks so much. Hope to see you on the court.